So with the approach of Valentines I have been thinking a lot about my singleness and such. It is funny at this time of year most single people are depressed and lonely. Although I have had my days I can’t say that I am even close to actually lonely and am most defiantly not depressed! And in case you are wondering Yes I am still very single. Well mostly that is… A few years ago around the time my dad was losing his battle with cancer I had a conversation with the Lord about my desire to marry and the fact that it was becoming clearer that my dad may not be around when that day was to come. I told the Lord I wanted Him to have all of my heart and that when the right man came along he was going to have to first approach the Lord to even have a chance to romance me. Because there is no one who knows how to romance me better then the Lord! And I trust Him implicitly when it comes to matters of the heart.
So as a woman and more specifically a human… Well I get ahead of myself and make some silly choices. And well I may be absolutely sure that I know what is best for me but most of the time I find out He knew even better.
So here’s what happened. (Right now it’s about to get really real!)
Not very long ago I started to find a certain young man more interesting then the others. Something felt different about this one. Everything about him seemed so right and well needless to say I was smitten! I am the type who falls fast and hard and most of my family would tell you we go all in! (Side note) A long time ago I almost ruined a friendship with a very close friend by making such feelings known and after that I decided I would never be the first to speak of matter of the heart and the possibility of a deeper relationship with any man. (End side note) So it was just a whole lot of emotion on my part. Let’s just put it this was… Things got a little complicated and well I found myself begging the Father for my heart. I am not sure why but as I think back it seemed like a desperate attempt at picking up the pen to write my own story as opposed to letting the Lord. But you know I love the Lord for how He knows me because well He can always rebuke me in a way that I thank Him almost immediately.
We this is basically how the exchange went…
Me: Lord, Can I have my heart?
God: Yes, daughter… Can I ask you a question first?
God: What do you plan on doing with it?
Me: Well there is this guy.
God: Oh… I know him.
Me: You do?
God: Yes I do… But what does he have to do with your heart?
Me: Well… You know I like him a lot!
God: Oh I see… Can I ask you another question?
Me: Yes… What is it?
God: Why do you need to have your heart just because you like this young man?
Me: I want him to see my heart.
God: You told Me when you gave my your heart to keep it and be sure it was safe. How can I keep it safe if you have it?
Me: Oh… That’s a good question.
God: I love you! I want you safe and I will give you your heart if you want it. Do you want it?
Me: Um… I guess it might be better if you hold onto it.
God: What is it that you like about this child of mine precious daughter.
Me: He is a man of integrity who seeks you first and longs for adventure and I can see so much in him that I would love to walk with him into the future and see everything that You have for him to be.
God: You see him like I do! I have another question… If you love that he longs to adventure and seeks Me first why would he look to you for your heart if yours is the one he wants to join with?
Me: Oh! I guess if he is the man I belong with You better be the One who has my heart.
I am pretty sure that there are few things more humbling then conversing with the Lord on matters of the heart. I often say that if my friends who are older than me can wait longer then I can to marry without complaining then honestly I have no room to speak. After this conversation I was reminded that even if God exists outside of time. He has no equal He has no one to love aside from us. He gave His Son to us so we could know that He loves us and He just longs for us! He longs to protect us and journey with us! One day I will truly comprehend the fullest extent that He went for me to have these seemingly trivial conversations with Him but until then well! This is how it goes!
I am His and He is my beloved! God my Father and Lover is the keeper of my heart!
If he who finds a wife finds a good thing (Prov 18:22) I want him to find this lady while seeking the Lord!
“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” (Matthew 6:33-34)